Most if not all of my presence on social media is positive happy subject, yes thats what i want to portray but more importantly thats also who and what i am.
My happy outlook was seriously challenged recently when the sudden death of a close friend spun my world into a place id never been before.
Yes of course, death is inevitable for us all, and yes ive experienced grief before, but this was another level. Old people die, sick people die, these are events in life we expect and are even subconsciously preparing for. But when a death happens to someone who ran marathons, was an multiple Ironman, ate carefully, hardly drank, loved life and helped others to achieve fitness its really really hard to accept.
Greiving is a selfish and all consuming act - it affects your every moment. Guilt if you smile, embarrassment when you cry at work, everyday simple tasks become difficult, you find yourself gazing into the distance, distracted by so many thoughts of the person/situation. You question everything, you cant accpet the injustice of it, especially when you see people smoking, eating rubbish and not taking care of themselves.
Ive spent days in this bubble and can feel the gradual decline in my health as i neglected my sleep diet and exercise, increased the alcohol (a terrible 'coping' strategy) and generally stopped caring about myself.
Luckily ive realised that this way forward is only going to make me feel worse so almost as soon as it started ive pushed myself to stop it.
We all know, and its well documented that taking good care of yourself, especially with exercise causes happy hormones to flow through your body and increase wellbeing, yet the first thing you dont want to do is exercise.
Well you know that push that makes you go to work/get out of bed etc, you need to apply that to go and run/gym/spin whatever your method of sweatmaking is.
We also know that a healthy diet - especially in times of stress can contribute to your mind, (eat crap/nothing - feel crap)
Sleep is a more complex problem to solve, ive never been great at it, but you should at least make time to rest, somewhere quiet, without a screen and maybe even with a book you enjoy.
If you need help or want to talk, ask - youd be surprised who doesnt mind listening.
If you want to cry (even though it makes you feel sorry for those around you) CRY! its a good release and crying is absolutely ok for boys.
Sometimes you will want to be on your own, sometimes you will want to be surrounded by people.
Allow the grief in but dont let it define you. Its probably not going to go away but it will fade and you will learn to adapt and let it live inside you.
Do not feel guilty for being alive
Do feel grateful for everything, try to live a full and happy life.
