All a bit strange...

Its been a strange week of visiting friends, preparing the house to move out, lots of lunches and evenings out. Current feeling is tired from all the late nights, full up from all the food and drink  and happy i’m seeing all my friends. I couldn’t work in hospitality ….oh wait.

There’s a frantic feeling in the air as everyone prepares for Christmas and i prepare for my travels.

The most difficult part of the week seems to be sitting in my office for eight hours a day with not much to do when i have so much to do in my own time! Today ive completely cleared my desk.  My successor is so fab at the job she really doesn’t need me any longer.  Its like ive left already.  Therefore i am using my time wisely and writing this blog, ssshh dont tell anyone.

Ive resorted to carrying a sheet of A4 paper round with me as an aide memiore as i really cant recall everything i need to do (this is more age related than situation related perhaps?)

I sit at my desk staring out of this so familiar window across the site, seeing staff come and go as ive done for years. I wonder who will stay in touch, how their lives will change over the next year.

Its funny how in the last week or so ive had such lovely messages, interesting how we only really feel the full effect of our impact on a workplace when we announce we are leaving.  Its a warm fuzzy loveliness that makes my eyes leak a little.

Right, enough of that, over to practicalities.

Here are my current ‘issues’ or first world problems!

Im struggling with packing clothes, do i take jeans?  I do love them but drying time, bulkiness etc?

Ive yet to try to fit everything in my backpack, thats a job for tomorrow.

Do i need to book a flight out of Capetown or will they allow me in without an exit strategy?  Ive got a way to deal with this is need be.  Apparently, just before you fly you can ‘hold’ a flight to another nearby destination for 24hrs, use the confirmation to show immigration and then let the held flight lapse.  Truth is i don’t want to be thinking about my next trip until ive been in SA for a week or two.

It'll be what it'll be.

Countdown to the next chapter

2018, November
Ive had a marvellous year here at the palace, a long hot summer, lots of wonderful weekends away, some great friends.  The kids seem settled, mother seems happy.

But I'm distracted by my friend Mark who died, too young, too soon, the enormity, the unjustness of someone passing away when they had so much to live for at such a young age.  He was my friend, not my greatest friend but I knew his hopes plans and dreams, he was just entering his next chapter, except he never got there...
The fragility of life, the shortness and the need to make the most of it came crashing into clarity in the weeks after his death.  Rightly or wrongly I focussed on my life.

Great job, great friends, no money worries, single (meh) and healthy.  So what was it, why did I feel I want really living it? Where were my passions, what did I want to do, to be?

Waking one morning and watching the sunrise it hit me, the answer was always there, I just needed to look.  All the weekends away, all the mini trips abroad, and the bigger ones, the camper van, travelling was my passion.  The weekends passed too fast, how  could I achieve one big weekend?
And here I am, four weeks away from ending my career, leaving my home, friends and family and Taz of course.
It still feels ok, right, I am sad a little too, but my brain is focused forward, I think if what may come, I need to follow my heart, my head, my dreams. The number of friends and colleagues who have said they would love to do this but they are too afraid/committed has astounded me, I was more expecting to be told I was a nutter, that's the usual response I get!
I currently having to be very grown up  and sort my possessions my paperwork and my diary full of 'final' meetings with friends colleagues and family.  Its interesting how free It feels to get rid of the weight of possessions (I have kept some but not many)
one more payslip and ill be unemployed
one more month and ill be thousands of miles away
First stop is Tenerife to visit friends, then Madrid and Cape Town.  After that? Well you'll have to keep reading this and ill tell you, because honestly, I don't know.
The world is truly my lobster.  I wonder if my lobster is ready for me though?

How a happy person deals with grief .....my take

Most if not all of my presence on social media is positive happy subject, yes thats what i want to portray but more importantly thats also who and what i am.

My happy outlook was seriously challenged recently when the sudden death of a close friend spun my world into a place id never been before.

Yes of course, death is inevitable for us all, and yes ive experienced grief before, but this was another level.  Old people die, sick people die, these are events in life we expect and are even subconsciously preparing for.  But when a death happens to someone who ran marathons, was an multiple Ironman, ate carefully, hardly drank, loved life and helped others to achieve fitness its really really hard to accept.

Greiving is a selfish and all consuming act - it affects your every moment. Guilt if you smile, embarrassment when you cry at work, everyday simple tasks become difficult, you find yourself gazing into the distance, distracted by so many thoughts of the person/situation. You question everything, you cant accpet the injustice of it, especially when you see people smoking, eating rubbish and not taking care of themselves.

Ive spent days in this bubble and can feel the gradual decline in my health as i neglected my sleep diet and exercise, increased the alcohol (a terrible 'coping' strategy) and generally stopped caring about myself.

Luckily ive realised that this way forward is only going to make me feel worse so almost as soon as it started ive pushed myself to stop it.

We all know, and its well documented that taking good care of yourself, especially with exercise causes happy hormones to flow through your body and increase wellbeing, yet the first thing you dont want to do is exercise. 

Well you know that push that makes you go to work/get out of bed etc, you need to apply that to go and run/gym/spin whatever your method of sweatmaking is.  

We also know that a healthy diet - especially in times of stress can contribute to your mind, (eat crap/nothing - feel crap)

Sleep is a more complex problem to solve, ive never been great at it, but you should at least make time to rest, somewhere quiet, without a screen and maybe even with a book you enjoy.

If you need help or want to talk, ask - youd be surprised who doesnt mind listening.

If you want to cry (even though it makes you feel sorry for those around you) CRY! its a good release and crying is absolutely ok for boys.

Sometimes you will want to be on your own, sometimes you will want to be surrounded by people. 

Allow the grief in but dont let it define you.  Its probably not going to go away but it will fade and you will learn to adapt and let it live inside you.

Do not feel guilty for being alive

Do feel grateful for everything, try to live a full and happy life.

Fujifilm do London to Brighton – 18th June 2017

It was a bit strange driving to the Bedford site at 5am on a Sunday morning, but here we were on the hottest day of the year ready to take on the famous London to Brighton Bike Ride.

We met up with Kevin, one of our Medical Div Logistics service providers who had very kindly offered himself and a van to transport the bikes out and back.

Nervous chatter filled the minibus (kindly driven by Gillian Marshall-Davies with mini support crew of Rees and Alex) aswe made our way to Clapham Common, a few calmer souls even managed to sleep en route!

We knew we were near when we started seeing bikes, and more bikes, and soon we were surrounded.

The team managed to all gather close to the start for a quick photo before we were off. 

The first ten miles passed relatively quickly, lots of congestion and some traffic we needed to weave in and out of but then you’d expect that, there were 14000 cyclists on the road! Soon the traffic and noise diminished and we were zooming down leafy lanes past beautiful houses and enjoying the sunshine.  

Aid stations came thick and fast through the whole route, free cakes, biscuits and drinks – I think this is the only event ivedone where you are in danger of putting on a few pounds as you go along! 

Our team inevitably split a bit, a combination of crowded conditions, hills and mixed abilities meant we were now in four small groups.  Andy C’s bike developed a mechanical problem causing him and his group to have to stop for a while but it was soon sorted by the brilliant roadside mechanics.

We passed so many different types of cyclist, from the most amazing high spec  bikes that probably cost more than my car, to penny farthings, single speed bikes, a BMX and tandems, the British public were out in glorious force, forget lycra, why not dress as Fred Flintstone, a shark, Super Mario or a ballerina!

The hills were brutal, trying to get up them whilst staying on your bike in in a crowd was no mean feat, the crunch of gear changes and the sound of riders clipping on and off their pedals as we ground our way to the top of yet another hill filled the air. Then came the reward soon after, whooshing downhills that went on for ages providing blessed relief to our tired legs and a cooling breeze on what was the hottest day of the year so far.

We all knew the most difficult part of the ride would be the 861ft ascent up to Ditchling Beacon, so we hatched a plan to get to the top and all meet there.

Not being an accomplished cyclist id already decided I was going to walk up – my word it was hard even walking! As I reached the top I again was rewarded by the most stunning views.  Soon a few of us had gathered  and chatted about our experiences so far.  We knew there were only 6 miles left to do and they were all pretty much downhill, we were feeling good.  We cheered our team members as one by one they appeared on the top of Ditchling, we all knew how tough it had been, time for another quick picture, right at the top.

A nice rest and plenty of water and we were off, staying all together this time as we wanted to cross the finish line together. A lot of downhills and we were soon in town heading towards the sea, and the finish line was in sight! We managed to line up and all cross together (looking forward to that photo when I can find it!) Medals were awarded, beer was drunk and fish and chips were consumed.

A great day’s work and a fantastic team who really worked hard to cycle all 54 miles in the blazing sunshine.

Great big thanks go to Kevin our van driver who gave up his Sunday to help us and provided transport, and to Gillian Marshall Davies who safely transported us and provided help and encouragement.

And finally, if you don’t already know – we are raising funds for the British Heart Foundation, any sum is most welcome £1 or £10 we would be very thankful to receive. 

Here’s the link

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/fujimidlifecyclists

Thank you!

Now time for a short rest and then to plan our next escapade…who’s in??!!

Microadventuring

Wild Camping cherry popping 

This year has been interesting, since stopping running I've been exploring other pursuits, and going wherever they have taken me. Post knee op I began walking and walking and walking, locally and then country parks further afield. Some have been lovely but no real thrills there. Then came mountains, courtesy of SVL adventures who randomly appeared on my Facebook timeline I've now climbed seven reasonable peaks including Snowdon, Pen y Fan and Scafell (more in the pipeline!)

Inadvertently along the way I met Ria and we realised we share a keen interest in the mountains and the outdoors. One of our chats led to a discussion about Alistair Humphries new book 'Microadventures'. A lovely new friend then gifted me a copy of the book and I was hooked! Soon Ria and I were planning our own Microadventure which involved sleeping outside somewhere without a tent. Planning complete we met at Guildford train station and proceeded to walk a few miles of the Wey Navigation, rucksacks heavy and enthusiasm high we popped in for a pint en route and excitedly chatted about our adventure. We watched as a beautiful shire horse pulled the packet boat along the canal, marvelled at the huge houses with canalside gardens, watched birds swoop over the water gathering up insects and generally enjoyed a rainy stroll.

Soon we decided to veer off the path and head uphill, thanks to the Viewranger app I think my days of getting terribly lost are finally over. We climbed high and it was hard work, soon we were on top of Pewley Downs, magnificent views rewarded our efforts. We sat for an hour or so watching the world go by and then decided to move towards the nearby Chantry Woods. Wild camping isn't strictly legal so we had to make ourselves disappear a bit in order to not be discovered and also for our own safety. We wandered in the woods for a good while before we found the right spot, the desired site needed to be flat, discrete and have good views, plus some trees to hold our tarp. We were aware that some 'weather' was due to happen later in the night. 

Settling in we enjoyed some bubbles and a carefully made fire before lights out.

I was expecting to feel a little scared or at least worried but didnt feel it. Common sense told me there likely wouldn't be any nutters up in the woods overnight. 

I fell asleep and woke to the sound of rain on the tarp about midnight, then followed a pretty impressive thunderstorm, it was almost as though Mother Nature was showing us her talents. The storm passed and it rained most of the night.

We woke about six to weak sunshine filtering through the trees. A hot coffee and pack up (making sure we left no indication we'd ever even been there) and we were off on the trek back to Godalming. 

It's was a fantastic experience for us both and I urge anyone to give it a try, you don't need much kit and the rewards are huge. And, you don't even need a weekend, this can be done locally in the week with a little organisation and the right amount of enthusiasm. 

Wild Wales weekender

Its good Friday, I havent been anywhere near my usual active levels for months (since some heavy knee surgery back in December) ive got lots of free time, last weekend I painted the shed. This weekend I had no real plans. This is what the Internet is made for. Soon I found a weekend hike in Wales with SVL Adventures, a tentative email and yes, they still had a place for the weekends 'Snowdon Adventure' 'I'm in!' I typed, without reading the description. I downloaded a kit list, chucked my stuff in the car and took off down the M1.

As I got closer I realised I was a) by myself b) going to be sharing a room in a hostel. Ahhh what's the worst that can happen? I do like a little adventure!

Arriving at the hostel I found a most agreeable pint of Welsh beer in the adjoining Swallow Falls bar. I relaxed and had a couple before Simon of SVL arrived. We had a chat, nice chap- apart from having pineapple on his pizza. I was sharing a room with another solo adventurer, Mandy and invited Simon in too as he was going to sleep in his camper. 

It's amusing how we were all so polite in the hostel bedroom, you sleep politely (no gaseous escapes, snoring or  late night loo flushing etc!)

A surprisingly comfortable bed and warm room meant I had a good sleep and was raring to go on Saturday morning. Most opted for the sturdy Welsh breakfast and I enjoyed a bacon butty and three cups of coffee before we headed out. Parking the car and prepping to get ready i began to get to hooks with names, there was kindred spirit Mandy, another lone traveller with great hair and amazing photography skills, Army girl Ria, beautiful strong and very accomplished, Fiesty and determined Janet who lived on a boat, Runner Gemma who was always laughing and smiling, incredible mother and daughter combo, Clare and Natasha (they look like sisters!) and Deborah whose quiet determination would amaze us all by the end of the weekend. And not forgetting the boss man Simon,  quietly guiding this group of chatty women up some of the toughest walks (I bet he enjoyed a nice quiet drive home, poor chap!)

We took off up Tryfan and the chatter died down as the effort levels increased. Every now and then we'd stop for a rest and look back at some stunning views. The weather was clear and we pressed on, encouraging and getting to know each other in the process.

The summit too a while to get to, but there were some technical bits - 'tricky' as Simon called them on the route that kept us all focused. Once we reached the top we found the Adam and Eve stones, two monoliths with practically no footholds on them. Some like to climb them and leap from one to another for kicks, I climbed one but there was no way I was going to leap the four foot between them, although I saw many who did. Mandy also climbed up and we took a few snaps. 

A break and a snack whilst Simon explained the route to the next mountain, Glyder Fech which we could see in the distance. Crikey, my legs weren't going to thank me for this! We set off at a good pace down Tryfan and were soon on the ascent up Glyder Fech, now this was a challenge, a sheer scree face ensured most of the climb was spent using your hands, feet and wits! I've never done anything like this, the rock was loose and the surface very steep. Exhausted I stopped halfway up, realised I had a great signal and facetimed my mother for a short while! Soon I was at the top and saw the Cantilever Stone in the distance, Ahhh I'd seen this beauty on pics before and had no idea this is where it was! I waited for the ladies to arrive and we all got a nice group picture.

The descent was pretty scary, very steep, some 'tricky' areas - especially if you try and freestyle it, but we all made it on one piece, we all learned the value of sliding on your bum if you didn't trust your feet (some more than others ahem!)

What a brilliant day, so many personal achievements, we were pumped for Snowdon the next day.

A hearty meal, some chats and a couple of drinks and we were all in bed asleep quite early to prepare for the trek up Snowdon

Sunday morning soon arrived and we drove to Llanperis and got our wet weather gear on. The forecast was rain, but we weren't going to let this stop us. 

A sharp uphill start soon got us all warm and the long steady climb began, the rain came down and our tired legs remained resolute. We stared longingly at the train as it passed us. It became apparent the the group were walking at very different paces so Simon gave Ria, who was storming ahead, a radio. We stopped briefly at a cafe almost halfway but were soon starting to get cold. Marching on I certainly began to want the summit to appear, the rain was relentless and the clouds obscured many of the views. The path grew steeper and more difficult and I was walking alone (there were many people on the mountain coming and going) my legs were really starting to object and the rain stung my face, then out of the clouds I could just make out the summit, spurred on I arrived just after Ria and we had a chat and took some pics, a quick FaceTime with my best pal and I made my way off the top, I was getting cold, my hands wouldn't work well enough to get my gloves on. Panicking slightly I told Ria I was heading back down, I walked fast to preserve my body heat, I knew I'd pass the rest of the team on the way back so wasnt too worried. 

I marched on and was beginning to feel warmer when I noticed the path seemed a bit different to the way up. Gulp, had I gone wrong? I decided to stick with the path as it was definitely going down the mountain and I didn't fancy going back up!!

I didn't see many people but the weather cleared and the views were incredible. 

About 90 mins later I reached the road, there was a youth hostel and a big car park hostel was closed and I had no phone reception. Spotting a couple returning from a walk I asked for help. They informed me I'd taken the Ranger path back down and was on the wrong side of Snowdon! Luckily they dropped me at a pub a few miles In the right direction and I got dry and had a beer whilst I waited for a taxi. £20, a chat with Mick from the Wirral and a few scenic miles later I was reunited with the group at Llanperis who had just descended.

Congratulatory hugs all round and massive smiley faces we began to take on our amazing achievements of the weekend. 

Huge thanks to Simon for looking after us all so well, Mandy for the jacket loan and a hot dinner, Gemma for the hole in the leggings episode, Deborah for keeping me company coming home, Clare for being in team 'Grans who can'  Ria for just being in my sight and keeping me going, Tash for being so incredibly brave, and Janet for just being Janet ! 

Life is really out there for living, and you don't need to look to hard to find some really amazing things to do with incredible people, it doesnt take huge money, all you need is a little time and some determination. Look, I promise you will find! 

Peddars Way Ultra, Sat 31st January 2014

Peddars Way is a roman road that stretches from Thetford all the way to the beach at Hunstanton, the race itself is a total of 48 miles and its unmanned and navigational but mainly straight so not that difficult, even for me. I ran the inaugural event last year, just 50 of us and it was a challenge then. This year it was open to 100 runners, with a tshirt and a fab new medal on offer and they had tweaked it a bit to make it better. Intrigued I entered at the last minute (naturally forgetting how hard it was last year and that it was days before I could walk properly again yet alone run...why do we do that?)

I stayed in a great little b&b in Kings Lynn the night before and woke early. We were to meet at 6am at Hunstanton, park our cars and board the bus provided back to the start at Thetford. It was nice to see a few familiar faces and we chatted quietly while some snoozed.

Soon we were at the start which was in a pretty forest setting at Knettishall Heath, a light snowfall had begun. I went off fairly fast and after about 10k settled into a slower pace.

At 12 miles we reached the first checkpoint, my mind wasnt happy, lots of negative thoughts, in fact I was trying to work out why I was even there running such a great distance, I tried to push these thoughts away but it was difficult.  As we pushed on towards the next checkpoint at Castle Acre the sky began to look heavy with snow. The wind has also picked up and I was contemplating quitting, my time was slow, I couldn't imagine I was going to get through this within the 12 hour cutoff and a few other million reasons. I'd run through all the pros and cons in my mind  and I just wanted to be done. Telling myself that if I reached Castle Acre it was 27 miles and therefore an ultra, sod the medal, I'd even written the DNF blog in my head.

 As i arrived at the checkpoint it had begun to snow heavily and I approached a marshal and told her I was quitting. She took my number and I entered the room where the aid station was (in a pub😀) hot soup in hand I was shocked to see so many runners, it wasn't just me making a slow time, there were frozen individuals everywhere, young chaps who you really wouldn't expect to see at this distance so late in the game. 

After a quick chat with the race organiser Kevin, he assured me that even if I walked fast I'd almost certainly make the cut off. I had some warmer kit in my backpack so changed into that, ate some more food and had a coffee and retracted my race cancellation. A young girl called Mel offered to accompany me for the rest of the run, so we set off. Mel was wearing shorts and it was snowing, she was fine despite the bright pink legs. We set off with a gentle jog, as we progressed further the weather deteriorated at an alarming rate, it was snowing heavily, high winds and very difficult wet and uneven terrain. We tried hard to keep each other motivated but it was difficult. Mels legs were by now bright pink, I was wondering what on earth I was even doing there, it was desolate and we were glad we had each other. My phone battery had long since died and the backup device I had bought had also failed. As we approached the last checkpoint at mile 35 I gratefully accepted a cup of tea. My fingers wouldn't work, gloves were soaked and despite 4 layers I was cold. Mels partner was there with dry kit for her so I waited while she changed. The longer I waited the colder I got. Finally she appeared but it wasn't good, she was shaking violently and her face was ghostly pale. The marshals stopped her and sat her in a car with a hot drink, refusing to let her go on. She was visibly upset, we had come so far, with only 12 miles (!?!) left this made me even more determined. I set off alone but soon saw a couple of fast walkers in the distance, I ran as fast as I could to catch them desperately not wanting to spend time alone. Turns out this was the divest decision I had made all day. 

Tina and Roger had buddied up earlier and I asked to join them, Tina explained they had a 'fast walk' strategy and I was welcome if I could keep up. At this point anything was fine so I fell into pace to grind out the last few miles.  The snow turned to hail, the wind picked up speed across the barren fenland, I fought more negative feelings and tried to have warm thoughts. I caught myself shivering and my breathing was erratic, I think at this point I was heading into a dangerous place, recognising this I flapped my arms and increased my pace. I couldn't afford to get my core cold. We marched on into the slowly darkening distance. Soon we needed head torches which meant stopping to find them, this was a huge effort which carried a risk of us getting even colder. My head torch was nowhere to be seen, thank heavens Rogers was super powerful. On we went chatting sometimes and long but comfortable silences at others. Tina's garmin died, we were guessing how far we had left to go, Roger produced jelly babies and we were eternally grateful. Those last 12 miles felt like a lifetime. Finally we got to the end of a very muddy descent arriving at Beach Road, there were cheers as we knew it was just a mile or so to go. 

Arriving on Hunstanton beach we were instructed to take a page from a book hanging there (by way of proving you had reached the very end of Peddars Way) and then proceed to the village hall. Once at the hall we were greeted by an army of marshals busy heating up chilli, making tea and handing out medals. 

Wow, we did it. 

I can honestly say that this was the toughest event yet in my short running career and not one I would want to repeat. Looking back I wasn't well enough equipped or organised for such brutal conditions. (My head torch was in my bag all along but we were so tired and confused we didn't spot it) 

I have since heard that the potential winner pulled out of the race around a mile before the end as he was suffering so badly and that the drop out rate was 20/89. 

Much respect to everyone that gave it a go, to the marshals who looked after us extremely well in arctic conditions, and mostly to my fellow runners Mel, Tina and Roger for getting me round the course. 

There's so much more I could say about this race but I've already gone on a fair bit.

Peddars Way is an amazing route and in better conditions I would heartily recommend it, maybe for the more seasoned ultra runner though. 

Lessons learnt

1) if you aren't feeling it, don't start, it's the hardest thing in the work to run 49 miles when you don't want to at mile one

2) read the kit list carefully, pack everything on it, and then some. I used everything in my bag- be prepared. 

3) even if it's a hassle to take the gel, have the drink, find your head torch when you are tired and it's dark, etc DO IT, ultimately it will make you more comfortable and therefore more able to cope.

4) perhaps not a good idea to wear new trail shoes on an ultra distance (no blisters tho! Toe socks are where it's at)

5) find people to run with, you will all need each other at some point.

6) never ever underestimate Mother Nature or distance running, you will pay otherwise.

Might take it easy for the next few days. Sorry that this isn't my usual sunny funny blog.

Bop.